


In Between

by phantasticphun



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Angel Dan Howell, Angel/Human Relationships, Angels, Barista Phil Lester, Demon Dan Howell, Demon/Human Relationships, Demons, Guardian Angel Dan Howell, M/M, Swearing, but also probably a little sacrilegious haha, mild religious undertones, mild sexual references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25474975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasticphun/pseuds/phantasticphun
Summary: Dan has never quite fit in where he is supposed to. He has lived in Heaven his whole life, but he's really half-angel and half-demon. No matter how hard he tries to act like a full-angel, he simply can’t. Things become even more complicated when he is reassigned and has to work as a guardian angel. And, his best-kept secret is compromised when he develops a massive crush on the guy he’s supposed to be guarding, a barista named Phil Lester.Dan’s life is complicated, sure, but he wants nothing more than to feel less torn, less in between.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16
Collections: Phandom Reverse Bang 2020





	In Between

Dan’s wings aren’t quite right.

Angel wings are supposed to be gorgeous, the feathers adorning them an immaculate, bright white. Their size is supposed to be grand and magnificent, a striking silhouette as they fly by the shining sun. All the edges, each feathered tip, is supposed to be soft and beautiful, smooth and pretty.

Dan’s wings aren’t quite like that.

They’re a little more tattered. A little more gray. They’re more akin to some kind of hawk’s, with the coco-colored tips that match the curls on his head, each individual feather’s shiny goldish-copper vein, and the two small spikes that grew in at the apex of his wings when he was about eleven or so. 

According to most other angels, though, his less-than-standard wings are just unfortunate. Frowned upon, in extreme cases. There are bigger things he _should_ be worrying about. He can fly with his wings, even if they aren’t the angel standard.

Dan’s wings aren’t quite right because Dan, as a whole, is not quite right. Dan is only half-angel.

Being only half an angel is a little difficult when you’re expected to be a full angel. It’s especially difficult when the other half of you is a demon and your two sides are almost constantly at war with each other. 

Dan’s been living in Heaven for his whole life and since birth he’s been training to be the best possible angel he possibly can be. It’s certainly not without its difficulties, however. Sometimes, the demon side of him bubbles out. He doesn’t like when that happens and everyone scowls upon it, making an already terrible situation worse. It took him a little longer to pass his classes and he was never the best at any angel activities. Except, maybe, dreamwalking. Although demons often cause nightmares, both angels and demons dreamwalk, so he was never at a disadvantage doing that. He likes it very much, if he’s being completely honest. Visiting mortals in their dreams gives him a certain sort of thrill and purpose.

Dan was trained in school to be a messenger. That’s what he’s been working as in Heaven for the past few years. He gives messages to other angels, either verbally or in writing. He never talks directly to Him, but he does occasionally talk to His most esteemed archangel assistants. Sometimes, if he’s really lucky, he gets to send humans messages from Heaven through his power of dreamwalking. It’s a nice job. It’s not the most sought-after position in Heaven, but it’s nice for Dan.

Today is not like most days. Most days, Dan’s boss gives him a scroll with his assignments for the day and a stack of letters Dan puts in his satchel. Today, however, Dan has a meeting with his boss’s boss, Estella. The worst part is that he’s honestly not sure why and that makes him terribly nervous.

Dan’s mind is reeling, trying to think back. Has he done anything wrong recently? He was caught looking down one day, trying to hear some distant human music. Is that why he is due to meet Estella in forty-five minutes? He has to admit that he adores much of Earth’s music, even if much of it is awfully… sinful. But he tries not to enjoy those sort of songs. Angels aren’t supposed to sin. 

Whatever the meeting ends up being for, he knows he has to be professional and presentable. Looking in the mirror, he buttons up his last button on his white dress shirt and then fluffs up his curls. He grabs his satchel and heads towards the door.

Unsurprisingly, the sky outside is bright blue and adorned with fluffy white clouds. No matter what his day has in store for him, at least he knows literal Heaven will be right outside his door when he wakes up tomorrow. 

~~~

Dan is greeted by two large, white, heavy doors. He looks down at the piece of paper in his hand and double-checks the address. Sure enough, he’s right where he’s supposed to be. He stuffs the paper back into his satchel.

He rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet and debates just going to his normal work and pretending all of this just never happened. He convinces himself not to, though. He needs to be responsible. He needs to be holistically _good_.

With a deep sigh, he takes a step forward and knocks on the door, which emits a deep, sharp sound.

After a moment, the door opens slightly and he’s greeted by an angel girl standing in the doorway. She’s probably roughly the same age as him. Maybe not, though, maybe her Forever Face is just a little younger than most.

“Hello, sir,” she says, her voice light and airy. “How may I help you?”

He almost snorts at being called “sir” but has half a mind to answer her question promptly. “Oh, uh, I’ve got a meeting with Estella. Right now, actually.”

The girl nods and opens up the door fully. “Oh, of course. Please, come in.”

“Thank you,” he mumbles, and then dimples awkwardly. He shuffles in, around her, and notices that the inside of this building looks a lot larger than the outside. The foyer is lined with columns, probably made out of the same material as the doors. “Could you show me where her office is?” He asks. “Or should I wait out here for her?”

“No need to wait,” a much deeper, but still distinctly feminine voice says. “I’m right here.”

Dan turns around to face Estella herself, and swears she wasn’t standing there only a moment ago. She is truly beautiful. Her skin is a dark brown, her eyes a shining bronze color, and her black, wild curls are all so gorgeous against the pristine while of her feathered wings. She says, “It’s nice to meet you, Daniel,” and extends her hand.

Dan steps forward and accepts the handshake but afterwards immediately worries that it wasn’t good enough. Too weak. Too stiff. Too…

“Let’s head back here to my office, okay?” She doesn’t exactly give enough time to respond before turning and heading down the hall, but Dan knows that a grand majority of checking in is rhetorical, anyway. Most people just pretend to care.

As he follows her, he notices that the girl who opened the door for him had somehow made her way back behind her desk in the foyer silently. Dan wishes he had that kind of quiet grace. He’s never been graceful in his life.

They turn and make their way down another hall. Everything in the building seems so immaculate and opulent, like most official buildings in Heaven, before they get to Estella’s office. It’s surprisingly cozy. Warm sunlight streams through the cracks of curtains on the window. The other light source in the room is a pink-orange salt lamp that sits atop a well-worn desk. The chairs look plush and there are even some cushions stacked in the corner, presumably for making wherever someone sits a little softer.

“Welcome to my office,” she says and gestures, her arm outstretched into the room. “Make yourself comfortable and then we’ll discuss why you’ve been brought here today.” Estella closes the door behind them.

Like Dan could _ever_ be comfortable in this situation. Still, he sits in a seat next to her desk with his satchel on his lap, as she walks around it and sits in her office chair. He can’t help the lump in his throat. He swallows, nervous, but he can’t swallow the lump. It hurts when he tries. 

“Daniel?” Estella’s voice brings him back to reality. “Are you okay, dear?”

Dan nods so quickly that his head spins with hurt momentarily. “I’m fine.”

“It’s okay to be nervous,” she says, like she’s read every thought in Dan’s mind since he woke up. Alternatively, she probably could tell by his body language. “This is a very important meeting. You’ve been brought here today because you have been reassigned.”

Dan quirks an eyebrow. “Reassigned?” 

“Yes.” She nods once. “You’ve done a wonderful job working as a messenger, but us on the Heavenly Occupations Board feel you could do even better things in a new position.”

Dan wishes she would just get to the point already, but he doesn’t like the way this conversation seems to be going. “As?” He questions.

“You’ve been reassigned as a guardian angel.”

Dan raises his eyebrows, incredulous. “What?” He knows the panic is showing behind his eyes.

“You’ve always seemed a bit interested in human culture, especially their music. Guardian angels need to be interested in humans in order to do a good job. Besides, we believe the human in need is a very good fit for you. We think you’re compatible.”

“Compatible?” Dan seems to be questioning just about every word out of Estella’s mouth as of now.

She nods. “Compatible as friends, yes. Despite your wildly different upbringings, your personalities should mesh well together. You’ll be good for him.”

After a pause where Dan hums, unsure, Estella continues. “His name is Phil Lester and he’s a barista at a coffee house in London called Cafe Three-Six-Four.”

“But why does he need a guardian angel?”

Estella gets up from her desk. As she walks over to a cabinet in the other corner of the room, Dan’s gaze follows her. “We’ve recognized that he might be a potential target for bad energy. He’s gay and--”

Dan can’t help himself from yelping. Did someone figure out his own best-kept secret and that’s why he’s been paired with Phil?

“Daniel, is there a problem?”

He shakes his head frantically. “No, no, sorry, I, uhh…” He looks down at the armrest of his chair and how close it is to the desk. “I pinched my finger. Ow.”

“Right.” She opens the top drawer of the cabinet. “Well, anyway, he is gay and due to many, quote ‘religious,’ people on Earth being wrongfully homophobic, gay people are, unfortunately, often abused by demons. Besides, the poor guy is horribly clumsy, and he has anxiety, and just one of those things is usually reason enough for someone to have a guardian angel. Actually,” she continues, “he had a guardian throughout his childhood but then _she_ was reassigned and it just took us a little longer than usual to find someone to replace her, someone like you, that would be a perfect guardian for him.”

Dan nods, trying to take everything in, but really having a difficult time. “All right.”

Estella takes out a blue-covered book and a gold necklace with a small, wing-shaped charm on it from the top drawer, and glides back over to her desk. “Here are your materials.” She holds up the book. “Here is the Guardian Angel Handbook. It will tell you everything you need to know-- how to create a believable human persona so that you and Phil can become acquaintances on Earth, how to materialize objects, how to perform simple miracles, how to watch over but not stalk, and,” she holds up the necklace in her other hand, “how to use your necklace, which you can use to watch Phil through hologram projection. You won’t be able to look if he’s partaking in a particular… intimate task, like taking a shower or something, but this can assist you when you’re in Heaven or you can’t be there physically to watch over Phil.” She places the two objects in front of Dan. “Understand?”

Dan looks up at Estella from where he’s still sitting. He nods. “Yes, I think so.”

She sits down. “Good, good. Of course, you can always visit me. I’ll make sure to let Sophy know to let you in whenever.”

“Sophy?”

Estella smiles. “Yes, you’ve met her already. She’s the one who let you in.”

Dan nods again, not knowing what else to do. “Ah, okay.”

After a small silence, Estella speaks up. Quieter, less regally than she has been speaking. “I’m here to help you, Dan. I know you’re not the most confident in your abilities and that makes sense. However, I think you have what it takes to be a guardian and the rest of us on the HOB think you do, too.”

Dan cracks a smile. “Thank you.”

Estella stands back up and claps her hands together. “Well, I won’t keep you here any longer! You have to get studying because you start tomorrow.” Dan stands up as well. “Really, though, you don’t have to read the whole book. Just read what’s relevant to you when it’s relevant. Congratulations on your new job, Dan.”

Dan shuffles towards the door. He lets out a half-hearted, “Yay.”

Before Estella closes the door behind Dan, she says with a smile, “Also, your wings are really amazing.”

~~~

When Dan gets to his mum’s, he once again is apprehensive about knocking on the door. They had planned to meet up today about a week ago, back when he knew he had the meeting in the morning and then he was off for the rest of the day. Little did he know he was being reassigned and that’s why he didn’t have to go and be a messenger the rest of the day.

Dan inhales, raps on the door, and lets out a long exhale.

His mum, Karen, opens the door with a smile. It’s the same smile he’s known for a little while, now. She was always so anxious when Dan was younger about how old her Forever Face would end up being, but a few years ago she stopped psychically aging. When she smiles there are some crinkles, but Dan thinks she’s happy enough with her Forever Face. It’s supposed to stop when an angel is in their prime, after all. Funny how her prime was _after_ Dan started attempting to be an adult and moved out. 

“Daniel!” She exclaims and brings him into a tight hug, awkwardly crushing his satchel between them.

As she has got him in one of the most-squishing hugs he can remember, he squeaks out a, “Mum, how’ve you been?”

“How’ve I been?” She lets Dan go and laughs. “I think it’s infinitely more interesting to talk about how you've been.” She ushers him inside the house and closes the door behind him.

“Oh, well, you know I had that meeting this morning.”

She begins to make her way towards the kitchen and Dan follows. “Oh! Yes. How’d that go?”

Dan sits at the table and places his satchel on the floor as she busies herself by putting a tea kettle on. “It went… fine, I guess. Not really, but…”

Karen turns around, away from the stove. “But?”

“I’ve been reassigned to be a guardian angel.”

“Oh, Daniel!” She exclaims. “That’s just wonderful. I didn’t want to tell you before, just in case that meeting with Estella was for something else, but I think I sort of had a little bit of say in the matter.”

“What?” Dan squawks. “You recommended me?”

“Well, not exactly.” She shrugs. “You know Lola?”

“No.”

“Oh, hm.” The kettle begins to squeal and she takes it off the heat. “Well, I work with her and she is good friends with Estella. Lola said that Estella and the HOB was looking for someone to be reassigned for a guardian angel position and I told her that--”

“Told her what? What is there to tell her?”

Karen pours the hot water into two mugs and then shuffles over to a cabinet. As she pulls down a box, takes out two teabags, and then returns it to the pantry, she says, “Well, I figured it was a good opportunity. You don’t want to be a messenger forever, do you?” She closes the cabinet door with her wing. 

“Well,” Dan says, voice rising and wavering, “What if I do? What if I thought I was perfectly okay at being a messenger?”

Karen plonks a mug in front of Dan and sits down across from him, her own mug in-hand. “You’re so much more capable than just being a messenger, though. I don’t want your potential going to waste.”

“Mum, I’m literally half-demon. I simply don’t have the skill set that other full-angels do.” Dan hardly realizes that with each passing word, he’s getting more and more angry. “My whole life I’ve pretended that half of me is just… not what it is and apparently, you _don’t fucking understand_ that!”

Karen looks appalled. “Language, Daniel! My goodness, no angel should be saying such awful words.”

Dan lets out a pained, mocking, “Ha!” He shakes his head, looks down at his tea, and then back up at her. “Seriously, that’s where the problem lies! You treat me like I’m… like I’m you! Like I’m your kind!”

It appears as though she has thrown the thought of drinking tea out the window, too. “You are my kind, Daniel. Really. It doesn’t matter what your blood may technically be. You’ve always upheld the values of an angel.”

“Pfft. ‘The values of an angel.’ Fine.” He waves his hand around with his words. “That still doesn’t change what’s literally inside of me.”

“It can.” She’s staring at him. “It doesn’t define you.”

He grumbles, then speaks quickly, hardly realizing each word is coming out of his mouth. “Doesn’t define me, yeah right. I’ve never been able to do the same things other angels do. I’ve only ever known part of your side of the family and never had a father and when I was a kid, that was a big deal. I was fine having an easy job and now I’m stuck being a guardian.” He stands up, feeling unable to sit anymore. “My entire existence as it is is your fault because you got busy with a demon!”

Karen follows, standing as well. “Daniel, you don’t know everything. You really don’t.” She puts her fingertips at her temples. “You’ve tried your hardest to be an angel before, and I know you’re so, so good, but lately I feel like you’re using your demon blood as an excuse.”

Dan practically laughs. “An excuse?”

She moves her hands to her sides. “Yes. Dan, I have full confidence that you have the abilities needed to be a guardian, but you don’t have the confidence in yourself. You want to be an angel, don’t you?”

Dan sighs. “Yes.” Then he mumbles, “I at least know I don’t want to be a demon.”

Karen nods. “Good. Well, maybe you should start to try to act like one. And, maybe that’s why you don’t have a girlfriend yet, too.”

That flares up Dan’s anger again. This is literally the last conversation Dan wants to have right now. “Mum!” He shouts. “I’m literally trying my best! I seriously cannot be more of an angel than I am.”

Karen rolls her eyes. “Again, you don’t know everything.”  
“What the heck does that even mean?!”

“I’ll tell you when the time is right.”

Dan shouts, crying out. He grabs his satchel and then decides to storm towards the door. “When the time is right?! Mum, I’ve been struggling with this for years and years and the _time has never been right_?!” He laughs again, beside himself. “You think I’m old enough to do a difficult job without the required skills, but I have to be tortured some more for what I am? I can’t even really know everything that’s inside of me?”

“Daniel, don’t leave,” she says, and outstretches her arm.

“No.” He opens her front door. “I’m leaving. I’m done having this conversation.”

Dan slams the door behind him.

~~~

That night, hours after his blistering anger cooled down, he gets curious. He’s sitting on his bed with the blue-covered book and the necklace in front of him. Estella said he should keep the book handy for reference, but that he didn’t have to read it all before tomorrow.

It’s a very good thing he doesn’t have to read it all, because Dan’s not even sure that’d be possible. He opens the book and flips to the necklace instructions. It’s evidently a very important tool for guardian angels, and he figures he should probably figure it out.

After reading over the page, he discovers he really just needs to open the wing charm, which is actually a locket, and think. It’s amazing how angel magic works like that; he’s still not entirely convinced that so many angels can perform it even easier than he can. 

He thinks as he’s instructed. He has no idea what Phil is really like, looks or otherwise, but he tries to imagine his energy. His vibe.

(He knows this is really stupid, but he has really no other thing to think about at this point.)

After some more hoping that it actually works, he closes his eyes and opens the locket. When he opens them back up, he is greeted by a blue-tinted projection of who he can only assume is Phil. He’s half-laying in bed with some silly tee-shirt and pajama pants on. His hair is black and in a messy quiff and he has glasses perched crookedly on his nose. He’s looking down at a book and reading and Dan’s not sure that he’s ever seen anyone more beautiful in his life. 

He ogles for about a minute more, just looking at Phil’s projection in his room, before closing the locket. The projection dissipates like a mist.

Dan’s a mess. He’s a mushy mess. He doesn’t know Phil at all, but he sure thinks he’s gorgeous already. 

Maybe, he thinks, this new job won’t be as bad as he thought it’d be. He’ll just have to find out tomorrow. He’ll just have to figure things out.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Special thanks to my beta, Kellen (@danandphilslesbianarmy).
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: [@PhantasticPhun](https://phantasticphun.tumblr.com)


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